God Wins Lawsuit on Technicality

A lawsuit filed against the Almighty by former Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers has been dismissed.

The presiding judge ruled that a plaintiff must have access to the defendant in order for a case to proceed. “Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice,” wrote Judge Marlon Polk in his ruling.

Chambers filed suit against God, a.k.a. Jehovah, Allah, etc., in an effort to get Him to cease and desist. Here is a real report from last year that happens to sound like a report from The Onion:

Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers (D – Omaha) filed suit against God Friday, asking a court to order the Almighty and his followers to stop making terrorist threats.

The suit (.pdf), filed in a Nebraska district court, contends that God, along with his followers of all persuasions, “has made and continues to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons.” Those threats are credible given God’s history, Chambers’ complaint says.

Chambers, in a fit of alliteration, also accuses God of causing “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like.”

Likewise the suit accuses God of having his chroniclers “disseminate in written form, said admissions, throughout the Earth in order to inspire fear, dread, anxiety, terror and uncertainty, in order to coerce obedience to Defendant’s will.” […]

The senator also wants the court to issue a permanent injunction prohibiting God from issuing plagues and terrorist threats. It’s unclear how this could work since God is usually understood to be all powerful.

Chambers does admit that God is omnipresent and omniscient, however. Since God is everywhere, the Nebraska court has jurisdiction, Chambers argues, and since God is all-knowing, Chambers need not serve him with a notice of the lawsuit.

The lawsuit indicates that Chambers attempted to make God appear in order to serve him by saying “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” but the Almight[y] declined, like many defendants, to make it easy for a plaintiff to serve him with court papers. […]

Last year Chambers said he filed the suit (PDF of legal complaint available here) to make a point about frivolous litigation. As KETV.com reported:

“Thus anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody — even God,” Chambers said. Chambers said senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He said his main objection is that the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all.

Perhaps, but this sounds like an invitation for a major smiting. Chambers better watch his back.

If Chambers were serious about the threat that God might pose to national security, he should have gotten the U.S. Department of Homeland Security involved.

Even God might have been afraid of taking on the massive U.S. government.